You know, stuff!

Good evening one and all, lately I've noticed a bad trend in my blogs of late - they've all been me going on silly little tirades about my exes or problems better off talked about with a counsellor, so I guess I'll give you all an update on just stuff that's been going on in my life as of late, you know, stuff!

The other night I decided to curb one of my worst habits for the sake of my loved one, Fez: My horrid anger problem. I get carried away and furhter inflamed really easily, and this isn't something Ezra likes at all, so I've decided to give it the ass. I'm going to see my neighbour/counsellor/hypnotherapist about it, she's helped with other problems in the past, like my social anxiety, but that's set in a bit again and I need more sessions, but that's beside the point. I just had a good think to myself after Ezra left my place on Saturday night, after my cousin's engagement party; I thought about how devastated I'd be if I drove him away, and that alone was motivation enough for me to say "stuff this silly problem". Ezra doesn't react overly badly to it, he gets sad and a little bit scared, but that's more than enough. When I told him I was curbing the anger for him, that he was my motivation, he was over the moon with gratitude. He even said that it wasn't really that much of a problem for him, but I didn't care; it's something he doesn't react well to, why does he deserve to have my anger inflicted upon him? I'm doing it for the sake of him, for the sake of my Mum, for my own sake. I can do this.

Oh, quick summary on what I'm like/why I'm like this, basically it's a hangover from living in a highly restrictive environment where I have no power, no say, no freedom to express my emotions without being abused. I lash out at people verbally and get extremely fired up when I feel I've been wronged, attacked or treated unfairly, and if I continue to get inflamed I lash out physically, which is never pretty. I feel like I can't really control it and common sense goes right out the window. It rarely ever gets to the stage where I start hitting people, but it takes as little as a personal remark that hits home for me to start yelling. Thing is I only do it with people I feel comfortable with, I wouldn't do it at school or to an important authority figure or anything, but yeah, that'll end soon. I just gotta get a grip on reality in the heat of it all. But that's easy to say (haha :P), learning to actually do so will be hard.

I had a really good time at my cousin's engagement party on Saturday aswell, it was a bit daunting at first though, there were approximately 40 people there, about half a dozen of which I knew, so I was uncomfortable at first. That lasted about 20 minutes, and Fez and I settled in very well, meeting some lovely new people. Even my incredibly anti-social Dad managed to chat with some people, one chat lasting about an hour, extremely impressive for him. Of course, Mum, being the social butterfly she is, and aunt of the bride-to-be, was rushing around playing waitress and socialising with whoever she bumped in to.

One person that really took me by surprise was my 18 year old cousin, Shelley, younger sister of the bride-to-be. We were really close as little kids, spending hours upon hours playing together, and there was many a sleepover. That went out the window once Shelley was 12, which left me rather dissapointed at the time. For a few years we didn't really relate to eachother much, it was awkward, one was an adolescent, one was not. But on Saturday that had all changed, she was one of the most bubbly, talky people there. She was uncomfortable too, not knowing anyone either, so she stuck with Fez and I when she could, as she was rather busy also playing waitress, aswell as looking after the dog. It was really sweet when Fez and Shelley found they had something in common: They both love Call of Duty 4. That was a good conversation starter! I was so happy everyone was happy.

It was also very refreshing. Seeing my two cousins for the first time in awhile made me realise that there's quite a resemblance between the three of us, we all fit the same description: Tall, pale and blonde with sea green eyes. It really amused me seeing that I had more in common with them than I thought.

After awhile my Dad had to take us back to my place, as he had a gig to get ready for. Yeah, my Dad's been in that business for over 45 years, and even at the ripe old age of 60, he's still active, although not very much so. But yes, it was good to go back, it gave Ezra and I a long time to talk, which is great because we just never run out of things to talk about! I've found that's pretty rare for me.

It's also Fez's birthday on the 10th, and in a few days time he'll have a family gathering, aswell as a boys' night for him and his mates at some other stage, which I'm invited to. I turned down his party with his mates, I've been with his friends before, I couldn't get a word in, and I felt alienated and slightly perved on. Apparently, his mates are all green with envy he has me, which is quite humbling. But yes, the family gathering will be good! I get along very well with his family, and this will give me an opportunity to meet those of his kin I haven't had the privelige of meeting already.

Oh, needless to say, Andre's wiped from the books now. Stuff him, all he does is cause trouble. I have a feeling he was a two-timer (or more, who knows, he could have been from all he's said to me) anyway.

Peace. xx
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Comments (1)

  1. EasyToSay

    Hey Mezlie,
    I love reading your posts, let them go off on a tangent, if that is what you like writing about.
    It’s nice to read your words and escape into your world

    July 07, 2008
  2. Mezlie

    Hehe, thanks E2S!
    Yeah, I let them go off on tangents because I want to cover as much as possible and it just feels better.
    I’m really really glad you like reading what I have to say!

    July 07, 2008
  3. meredith

    glad you are getting your anger under control, that you had fun at the wedding and that you gave Andre the heave-ho for good!

    July 07, 2008
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