"My little blonde Lily Allen"

Hey all, sorry it's been awhile, I just haven't really had much to say, lately. Overall, the first week back was very uneventful, just another week, really, except everything's all up in the air because there's new students and everyone wants to impress them. Same happened at the beginning of the year, and it took quite a few weeks to calm down. I can't wait for that to happen, seriously. x_x

I like one of the 7 or so new people, Tiffany, she's still very quiet, but I'm giving her time to let her come out of her shell, in the meantime it's a bit hard because I'll be goofing around with my mates and I'll forget she's there... The Chequers are annoying now, turns out they're no different from the others. One only showed up for two days, one doesn't mind us, and the other two have decided we're "gay" and avoid class at all costs. Quote Chequer #1: "You guys talk about some weird, gay shit... You're all fucked" At that point I was about to say to him, "Well, what are we "supposed" to talk about?" but I figured it would have been a waste of breath. All those pricks talk about is MILFs, eachother's Mums, how many hundreds of girlfriends they say they've had (especially Chequer #3), bagging eachother and those around them, and what they call "sick shit". Gawwwd, it annoys me. I'm more than happy our old crank of a trainer, Jan, wants to have them out at all costs. I guess my hunch was right, I did end up not being able to stand them!

I've also earned the nickname of "My little blonde Lily Allen" from Richard, a guy at my school who is literally, the gayest person I've ever met. He's more girly than any other girl I've ever met! Nothing wrong with that, though :) But yeah, he saw my new fringe, and pranced up to me and said excitedly, "Oh my god, you should dye your hair black, you'll look like Lily Allen!!" Of course, I laughed and said "Eww, no!", and from then on, every time I passed him he yelled out "DYE YOUR HAIR BLACK!!!", then he started calling me his little blonde Lilly Allen, it's cute! ^_^

Some guys in my class call me "Barbie" now, too, because I'm blonde and I had pink nailpolish on, Daniel just looked at me and went "...Barbie..." and it caught on, hahaha! My mates are funny ones, they are.

Oh, I'm feeling better, too. It musta been just a one-off thing.

Ezra and I had a bit of a tiff the other night, I won't say what he said, but it was the most highly offensive, personal, insulting thing I've had said to me in AGES. It resulted in me crying, yelling at him and hanging up the phone and storming to my room. I told Mum what happened, and afterwards, I stomped back up to the phone and yelled the shit out of him. I just didn't know he had it in him. I wouldn't have been so angry if it was someone, anyone else, but it was him.. I'm pleased that I got it all out, though, otherwise I would have been seething for ages. He agreed. I just yelled at him for about 5 minutes, apologised, reassured nothing had changed and that I still loved him as much as I did before, and calmed down. Surprisingly, Ezra didn't run away, he just took it. He was soo sorry... At one point he felt physically sick, poor bugger. He said it because he was that tired and fed up with me at that point in time, and said something he regretted the moment he started saying it. He didn't even remember what he said was a problem for me, and it was meant to be a joke, apparently, but it was said in the most snarky, nasty tone aswell.. Either way, I'm glad we sorted it out. It was only words, and he didn't even mean it to hurt me. We're fine now, but even today he was apologising for it.. *sigh*.. It's cute, really, how apologetic he is. Mum was proud of the way I handled it too, she couldn't believe he said that. She liked what I had to lay on him, it was a bit of a reality check for Ezra. As perfect as we may seem as a couple, we still have our issues every now and again.. We're only human, but we can work it out.

I couldn't stand to hear what Dad had to say on the issue, though. He asked what all the drama was about (he had to run away downstairs to get away from it, he gets scared, you see, he's never heard me that angry), and Mum told him that Ezra said something really below the belt and that I had every right to be angry. Dad said "Oh, well I hope she learns to keep it all in from this.. If I was Ezra I woulda told 'er to get fucked!" My Mum just sneered at him and said, "You would, wouldn't you.." That last part made me laugh, but Jesus, if I had kept it in I would have been a seething mass of anger for ages over it, as I said before! I rarely take advice from my Dad, I consider it the pathway to becoming a sad, angry, hateful, misanthropic person. I think he expected for me to just sneer at him and "get on with it", but it made me that angry, and hiding and bottling emotions is not healthy, and I already have enough of that as it is, I don't need to do that anymore.

But it's alright now, everything's normal between Fez and I, and he's coming over tomorrow. We were going to go to my Dad's gig that day, but we decided against it because I'd be way too tense and anxious around my Dad, especially in the car. I would have loved to, just, Fez and I thought it wasn't worth the worry, because I can always safely guarantee, that if I go anywhere with Dad, I'm nervous at at least one point in time, every time. 100% guaranteed.

I talked to the new welfare co-ordinator at school, too, Belinda, or Bel as I shall now call her, and she was lovely. We covered a big range of issues and she's going to see what other free services there are around here for me, as I mentioned that I have problems that need fixing, and I can't do it on my own. She said something interesting regarding why she reckons none of the girls truly get along that well, particuarly with me (besides Tiffany and Delia): She reckons it's mutual intimidation. Wouldn't surprise me a bit. I guess it's the other girls' way to deal with people they don't "like" by bagging them, whereas I just observe them and try to be as unbiased and reasonable about it as possible. One girl, Kaitlyn, actually said at one point "I just don't like her because she doesn't talk to me!", but this girl is one of the most unapproachable girls at the place, she walks around with a scowl that says "I hate all of you and I don't want to be here". Why would I approach someone like that? Then again, I'm not exactly the most approachable people on Earth, either. Because I get a bit anxious with people I don't know well, I clam up. I certainly don't approach people that don't look very friendly, either. I still hold my head high and speak and act very confidently (even though I'm like a scared kitten on the inside). Of course if I'm approached, I'll be nice, I've never ever been mean to my peers in my life, except if I'm just joking with a friend. I guess because both Kaitlyn and I are very insecure, and go about it in different ways, we end up "hating" eachother. I've never said two words to the girl. Neither has she to me. If she was civil, I'd definitely take pleasure in striking up a conversation with her; but I don't know if she is or not!

You know what? I'm going to make that a resolution for next week: To talk to Kaitlyn, just to give her a chance, then we can actually see if we get along, or find real reason not to like eachother. I reckon she used me and Alex's saga as an excuse not to like me too, as Alex was sensationalizing what happened between us, making him look hurt and innocent, and according to an acquaintance I can trust, Alex and Kaitlyn were the only ones saying bad things about me. Bitch. But I don't blame her, because the stuff Alex would have said would have been very very hurtful and more than likely false. Before that, I found out she didn't like me because Alex said that, when she found out him and I were dating, she was outraged, saying "Oh my God, you could do better!" that was when she said she didn't like me for not talking to her. Alex assumed she liked him, uhm, no. She's a pretty gorgeous looking girl and was taken at the time, and Alex is extremely paranoid and makes stupid assumptions.

But yeah, I think it'll just be good to sort that one out. School will be fine, either way. I.. Love.. My school (holy shit what did I just say), and nothing can change that. Well I'm sure some things could, but it'd be awful hard.

Peace xx

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Comments

  1. EasyToSay

    Mez, Poor Fez, but poor you, must have been something harsh for you to go off.

    And I like your next weeks resolution. You never know, you might just make a new good friend.

    Good luck. And have a nice week-end.

    July 19, 2008
  2. Mezlie

    Yes, it was one of the most insulting, hard hitting things I’ve heard that was directed at me.

    Lol, I doubt I’ll make friends with her but it’s worth a shot.

    Comment much appreciated, E2S, as always. You have a nice weekend too!

    July 19, 2008
  3. meredith

    I am sorry that Fez hurt you so much with his words but the fact that you had such a huge fight and came out of it just fine speaks volumes as to how strong your relationship really is.

    I also agree with your counselor that Kaitlyn probably “hates” you because she’s intimidated. Maybe if you actually spent some time with just her, you’d actually like each other. Maybe not, but it’s worth a shot!

    July 19, 2008
  4. Mezlie

    Hey Meri! Yeah, it wasn’t really a fight, it was more or less me yelling at him for 10 minutes then just cooling it.. But thankyou, we only strive to make our bond stronger.

    Yeah, it is worth a shot with Kaitlyn. I heavily doubt she’ll react too well, but eh. At least then I can say I tried to do a good thing

    July 21, 2008